


If X was your Y: The Mighty Nein (a The Toast tribute)

by YourSpinsterAunt



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: If X Was Your Y, Other, The Toast
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-12
Updated: 2018-08-12
Packaged: 2019-06-26 13:09:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15663855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YourSpinsterAunt/pseuds/YourSpinsterAunt
Summary: I love The Toast. A little too much. Also Critical Role.(This is a WIP, will prolly write more as I think of them.)





	If X was your Y: The Mighty Nein (a The Toast tribute)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [zephyr42](https://archiveofourown.org/users/zephyr42/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Critical Role](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/406068) by Ashley Johnson, Laura Bailey, Marisha Ray, Travis Willingham, Liam O'Brien, Matthew Mercer, Taliesin Jaffe. 



If Fjord was your boyfriend, he'd tell you gently when you made a social faux pas and proceed to charm your way out of the situation without making you look bad.

If Fjord was your boyfriend, you'd encourage him to grow his tusks to whatever length suited him, but you wouldn't tell him that they made his smile a little goofy (this is also charming).

You would sneakily try to get him to swallow a bread knife just to have it on hand when wanted, because French baguettes on picnic lunches are just the worst.

If Jester were your girlfriend, you would find dicks written in the margin of your life; on the bathroom walls, on that pad of sticky notes you left on your desk, formed out of the magnets on the refrigerator. But you wouldn't mind.

If Jester were your girlfriend you could always make her happy on her birthday with a spa certificate and a new journal (in which she would draw more dicks).

If Yasha was your girlfriend, you'd never have to worry about returning late DVDs because her nonplussed willingness to rage would terrify all smarmy customer service representatives. Kept 'You've Got Mail' two weeks overdue because you just love New York in the fall? No problem.

If Yasha were your girlfriend, you would never have to work to open jars or reach things on high shelves, but you might have to tell her you need help. If she's around. Wait where is she. Oh well, she does that.

If Caleb was your boyfriend, you would never have to go to the doctor's office alone, because he would send Frumpkin with you... while he sits outside in the car with his crippling self-doubt.

But that's okay, cause Frumpkin is dope.

If Caleb was your boyfriend dates at the bookstore would be a regular thing, and staying up till dawn with new books. Schmidt is getting pretty good at making scrambled eggs so you don't even have to make breakfast.

If Nott was your girlfriend, you could spend hours planning new cons and making up conspiracies against your enemies (including that shady-ass "UPS guy", who even knows what that guy does when you're not looking).

If Nott was your girlfriend you'd get her a jar of buttons instead of flowers, because buttons are shinier and you can use them as projectile weapons.

If Molly was your SO, you'd think of him whenever you felt the good earth under your hands or laughed till you were sick to your stomach. If Molly was your SO you'd buy a lot of herbal teas to help you sleep but end up with a bottle of whisky and paperback philosophy 3/4 of the time.

If Pumat Sol was your boyfriend, you'd know which one was Pumat Prime because he'd be just that little bit happier and more irritable with you than any of the others. He'd enchant your umbrella so it would follow you around without you having to hold it, but you could still put it away and stand in the rain if you wanted.

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to my sister for the prompt:)


End file.
